Update - 167

I took yesterday off so I could get some very important bills paid, run some errands, and plan lecture for the next quarter... which starts tomorrow. Now I'm back at work. Ever have so much to do that you don't know where to start? Well, I might as well start somewhere.

I filleted my finger yesterday washing dishes. It hurts to type. This should be interesting. It's on my right hand too. (I'm right handed.)

My mother in law will be here in a month for Mother's Day/J's birthday (they usually fall around the same time). I love J's mom. She's so sweet and positive and perky. I can't wait to see her.

I still stand by my adoption decision. It was absolutely right to give her away. Even though I was 27 when I had her... I was fresh out of college, immature, and just beginning to build a direction for my life. I just need to remind myself, like many 16 or 17 year olds that get pregnant and go through adoption, that it was in my overall best interest... and Holly's. Sometimes I think that people take having children too lightly. They have them without having any way to care for them. In "Riding in Cars with Boys," Drew Barrymore's character had her son and then resented him for the rest of her life because she had to put her life on hold to take care of him. She could never go back. I just didn't want to be the mom that slupped the kid off to the babysitter or day care all the time. I know first hand about that one. It's important to me that my child have every advantage. I've made sure that Holly does. Because of that, I have done my job as her birthmother. I'm good with that. I just get lonely. It's mostly because I live at work and have no friends. All my friends are in CA. And I talk to them all the time on my cell on the way home. I talk to them every day. Holly is not a replacement for lonliness. That's a very bad connection to draw... and an unhealthy one.

I'm going to start running again. You're right Kait... I can't just get all lonely and eat to fill the void. I'll get fat. J and I were talking about getting up in the morning and running. I should take him up on it.

Why does it always come back to weight? Because I started this diary as a diet tracking mechanism and I never want to lose sight of where this all started. This diary has worked for weight loss once... and it will again. Plus, its how most of my fans came to be. =-)

All right... finger is numb enough from the typing to start some real work. Have a great day!

Weight: 167

P.S. Kat... thank you for the link! I've been looking for something like this. Hopefully I can meet a few lifemoms in my area and have someone to talk with. Your comments were straight to the point... but your honesty really did help and made me remember that it was my decision, I made it, now I need to live up to how I feel about it.

2004-04-13 @ 9:14 a.m.
BACKWARDS // FORWARDS