Kid Fever - 165

I was sick this weekend. I'm still kind of run down. But I did get three loads of laundry done and the kitchen cleaned. That's some sort of progress. I find if I hang my clothes up right out of the dryer (don't fold anything but the knock around clothes and delicates) that I am less likely to leave them in the dryer, or worse, on the floor. I'm so bad with my clothes. Dishes too. I'm your typical Grade A slob sometimes.

Anyway, I feel the need to reward myself. So I'm going to use a gift card that I have to buy myself some new boots. If I can't buy clothes because I'm still too big... I can buy shoes. I might take a trip to Ulta and buy Ralph Lauren's new fragrance, Cool. I might also buy Yoga for Weight Loss and start doing Yoga in the mornings.

I had a horrible dream last night that made me wake up SO depressed. I was screaming at J that my life was f'ed up forever because I gave up Holly and that he made me do it. It was just me screaming at him and feeling horrible because I knew that it was much my decision as his. I could have put the brakes on the adoption at any time. But I didn't. Because the adoption was meant to be and I'm not ready to be a mom. All this was brought on, I guess, by Trading Spaces inside look special. Lorrie has been married five years, has this great career as a designer on TV and has this cute little 2 year old. Cripes... married less time than J and I, more stable and has a nice happy kiddo to boot. To make matters worse, our web manager annouced today that his wife is pregnant and he's just grinning ear to ear. I hope one of these days that man grinning ear to ear about that kind of news will be J. It's been almost a year since I gave birth. It's not like I want a kid right now... but I know in 2-3 years I will be at a point where I will want a child. I know we want children. I just don't know why I can't get it off my stupid mind.

Well, off to heat up my leftover mini pizza and head to ULTA for a bit of retail therapy. Maybe I'll get the boots today, maybe not.

Weight: 165

2004-07-12 @ 11:31 a.m.
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