Kill Bill 2

I just saw Kill Bill Volume 2. And it had a profound effect on me. The effect had happened even before my husband said that I was taking the ending better than expected. He didn't have to say, "I guess you just weren't done with your killing yet."

I'm paraphrasing here, I'm sure... "When that strip turned blue, I changed. Because I was going to be a mother." Her life, her profession, was killing. My life, my profession, was the pursuit of career... the pursuit of enjoying youth... But once that strip turned blue. My life changed. My life turned upside down. And even though it looks perfect, with the nice car, and the nice house, and the great job... inside of me, there's the "alter-ego." There's the me that everyone sees on the street. And then, there's a fighter. There's a woman who would not, no matter what the cost, let her child be resented in any way, form or fashion. Not by her... and not by her husband. She would not let her child be raised by someone other than someone they called "mother." Not for convenience... not to keep up appearances. Because, inside, that mother would always be a killer. And, either the child would have to suffer... maybe not materially, but emotionally.

No... I'm not about to let any child of mine be resented. But, just like Superman, the world wouldn't understand where I really come from. So... I masquerade in the costume of this alter-ego... this brand manager, this 28-year-old dynamo.

In the end, she drives off with her child. Is she still a killer? Maybe... Is she done killing? Definitely. Because every person she had a goal to kill was dead. So will be when I am ready to parent. My goals will be on their way to completion, if not completed. And I... I can drop the alter-ego.

2004-10-24 @ 7:23 p.m.
BACKWARDS // FORWARDS