Pathetic and Successful

Sometimes I think things are smoke and mirrors for me. Yeah... I have a great job. But it works me until I'm dead tired and I have no will to do anything but sleep and/or veg and get fat. Because of said job you would think that I'd have all the social interaction I could handle. Quite the opposite, I have NO FRIENDS. At least none in Texas. I'm so lonely I can barely stand it. So the age old question comes... would you rather hate your job but have a happy private life full of friends or love your job and have a fairly lonely private life? I love my husband and he is my best friend... but I need more social interaction. I'm a social person. I have a need for attention. And when my need for attention is only satisfied when its on display to garner more sales for my shows or to gather more fan base, then it's plastic. I'd leave early today, but I have an important conference call. Maybe I'll just go hide out in the marketing closet... try to find my posters. I'm exhausted, friendless and lifeless. I'm fat and my motivation has worn thin. In short, I'm pathetically successful. If that's a word at all. Or maybe I'm just successful at being pathetic. My material possessions mean little to me because I have little beyond that. I do have a happy marriage and I'm so grateful for that. But sometimes my job gets in the way of that too and causes tension. Is it possible to hate that you love your job? Because sometimes I do. I got accepted to SMU and I'm not excited. Even if I would be able to afford to go, I'm still not excited. I'm drained. I'm depressed. Time to go put on a happy face and book some airfare to New York.

2005-06-06 @ 12:57 p.m.
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